So apparently when you spray yourself with one of those spray sunscreens (SPF 50) it helps if you actually cover your whole back. And the top of your forehead. And the side of your arm. Because otherwise you will have a really weird, splotchy sunburn, that will remind you of its existence frequently. Not that I would know anything about that.
We went swimming yesterday, my mom, my sister, her two daughters, and little Babash. Adele stayed home with Chris, thankfully, because I still hadn’t forgiven her for being awake and displeased from 1 to 3:45 in the morning the night before. Should I repeat that? FROM 1 TO 3:45 IN THE MORNING. (The caps mean it was super ridiculous.)
It was rough, to say the least.
I always say that’s it’s really, really hard to be a good mom in the middle of the night when you can’t see past your exhaustion. I was so tired my body was aching. And there was nothing I could do. None of the usually soothing mechanisms would work. Chris and I switched off, but it was mainly me because it was mainly me she wanted. And so I took the brunt of the episode.
When I became a mother I was unprepared for the rage that I feel in these situations. And it’s probably not something you’re supposed to speak about, but truly, that’s the only word that seems to fit. I am angry. I am angry that my daughter won’t sleep and I’m angry that I’m not sleeping and I’m angry that the whole situation won’t resolve itself easily. It’s so hard, so hard, to remain rational and caring and loving. It takes all the strength you’ve got to step back from what’s happening and remind yourself that it won’t be like this forever. At some point these awful teeth that are bothering her will pop through. At some point she will sleep.
Just not yet.
Last night she woke up at 11, right when I was going to bed. She woke up every time I lay her down, so she just ended up in our bed and it was okay. Until Sebastian woke up at 2:30 crying because of a bad dream. But Chris took care of him, thank goodness.
Adele is such a happy baby most of the time. It’s just that when she gets going, it’s pretty spectacular. But on the flip side, when she’s laughing and grinning with her whole face, well, that’s more than spectacular.
And so she stayed home with her daddy when we went to the beach, which was for the best anyway because she’s not that fond of the heat and would have hated it out there after about 10 minutes. It was nice to have a Sebastian and Mama day since we don’t do that much anymore. When I told him where we were going he said “I’m so excited!
And that little man is fearless. He loves the water and loves the beach, and loves my sister’s raft, which he called his ‘boat’ and used it to save his cousins (like ‘Fireman Sam’, naturally).
And thankfully I was aware enough to make sure that he was covered with sunscreen so he won’t be wincing in pain every time something touches the upper back side of his left arm.
Unlike somebody I know.