Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A day in the life

All this cuteness doesn't make up for the torture, Adele.
(Okay, maybe a little bit.)
Hey you know those days when you’re daughter screams all morning and so you take the kids outside after a rain with their rain boots on but then the oldest wants to play with the poppers so you run inside but realize you have to pee and so attempt to do that but also realize you haven’t flushed the toilet from when your son used it earlier because you’re a scatterbrained mess and so flush it but the water/mess starts to rise but thankfully stops before it overflows and so you run upstairs to use that bathroom and also get the plunger but while you’re running you simultaneously sneeze which causes you to pee a little because you’ve birthed two children through your lady area but you still make it upstairs and realize that that toilet hasn’t been flushed either because your son never flushes the toilet and you flush it yourself, like always, praying that it doesn’t overflow and thankfully it doesn’t so you use it yourself then get the plunger and run back downstairs but by this time the children are inside and try to follow you into the bathroom while you’re holding the plunger and so you lock them out while the youngest screams again but you fix the toilet and run back upstairs to put the plunger back, then wash your hands and grab the poppers and head outside to smash them on the ground and when that’s done you decide to go back inside and try to get some work done but there is even more screaming and also tearing old (antique?) books off of the bookshelf from the youngest as well as much, much more screaming, especially when you refuse to let her hold the ridiculously technicolor generic yogurt in a tube because the last time you let her it got all over the place because she got pissed off at it and squirted it all over the wall so you put some in a bowl with a spoon and let her eat it that way although most of it ends up in everything except her mouth and she screams some more and also cries and hits everything and throws the raisins you’ve given her as a consolation prize all over the floor so you decide that maybe it’s time to put her down for a nap a whole hour and a half early and you do, and hope for a reprieve, but now you can hear her in her crib screaming because she’s thrown her pacifier in the floor as a ploy to get you to come back into her room and really, all you want to do is curl up in bed and read or maybe just watch all that Mad Men you are behind on or a cheesy romantic comedy and maybe knit a little but you realize that’s not going to happen any time soon so you know you’ll get up when you’re done posting this and comfort the screaming child and hopefully, maybe she’ll take a nap and feel better in the afternoon?

That’s the type of day I’m having right now.

The oldest is being an angel by the way, probably because he knows there's only so much of this I can take before my brain explodes.

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