Thursday, January 31, 2013

Apparently my 'star' included my children wiping their dirty hands on me as that happens a lot

Well.

Everyone slept all night long and we even had to wake the kids up this morning to get them ready for the day.

Of course, that probably means that Sebastian is now sick as he never ever sleeps late and also he's taken three naps in the past week which is more than he's taken in the past two years.

However, I'm ignoring that and focusing on all the sleeping everyone has slept and how maybe it means that there will be less yelling and throwing of various items.  The verdict is still out on that one as I'm beginning to think that throwing things and yelling is just Adele's way of telling me she loves me.  Or that she's hungry.

But to celebrate the possible, maybe, keeping my fingers crossed end to sickness, I'm sharing more journal entries.

This one is full of angst.  I probably cried while writing it.

(The rest can be found here.  I encourage you to peruse them for maximum, cringe-worthy enjoyment.)

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Sat. March 8, 1997 (5:44 p.m.)  (15 and a half years old)

Maybe my isolation had something to do
with putting my hair in crazy styles to make people
laugh.  Maybe. Although we can all admit that
this style is awesome.  Right?
When I look at pictures of Mom & Dad, Me & Courtney, from a long time ago, I don't think of them as they are.  They aren't the same as we are now.  They are them, we are us.  Mom & Dad are from a totally different era.  They believed in things.  I like the "them."  But they're probably the same people.  The pictures only tell part of the story.  I perceive them the way I want to, not the way they really are.  I want to grow up.  I want to be out of High School & on my own.  I know everybody says not to wish your life away, that you'll be wishing to have your life back or something like that.  I don't see it.  Life is dull now.  Nothing happens & there's nothing to do.  I can't make anything happen.  Something has to change.  Something is out there waiting for me.  My star is up in the sky, out of my reach for now.  But some day, that star will be mine & all will be right.  I will finally be satisfied.  My wanting for something more will come to a close.  Happiness will be mine.

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Mon. March 10, 1997 (6:00 p.m.)

I don't belong.  I never have and I never will.  Spring soccer started on Saturday.  I had no idea.  I hate it!  Somebody called Eden & told her about it.  I didn't eve no, nobody called me!  It totally pissed me off!  If I start now, I'll be behind.  I don't want to be behind.  It's just one more way for me not to fit in.  Why don't I fit in?  What is it about me that is so different?  Well I am different from everybody.  That's a good thing.  But now I am excluded from things.  Do people just not like me?  Am I strange in such a way that I am shunned by people?  Why is that?  I hate this town.  I don't fit in.  I am different from everybody else.

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