Last night I put Adele to bed and put a show on for Sebastian then took a shower because Chris was out at a work dinner with a bunch of people, including a woman who brews beer, which is almost like cheating, I’m convinced. But it was probably the only time I was going to get a shower since I was alone with small children and didn’t want to take one after Sebastian was in bed since all I wanted to do then was crash and watch whatever trash TV was on, preferably Teen Mom, though I can never stay up late enough to watch it, but it makes me feel better about myself as a mom so I try to catch it when I can.
I don’t generally like taking a shower when I’m the only adult in the house because even though Sebastian is pretty tame, there’s always the chance he’ll decide that he is perfectly capable of climbing on top of the stove to reach the pretzels in the cabinet above, and while he’s at it he’ll turn on the gas and inadvertently rub two sticks together creating a spark that will blow the whole house up. So I usually try to avoid random house explosions when possible.
But as I said, it was really my only option other than possibly showering through Teen Mom, which is no option at all. While I was in the shower I heard a loud noise, which more than likely was Sebastian bouncing around because he was watching ‘Fireman Sam’ and he really gets into all the RESCUES and SAVING THE DAYS, but it sounded like someone closing a door or walking around or stomping so of course my mind went there. Someone was in the house and going to kidnap my son and I couldn’t do anything since I didn’t want to get out of the shower and drip water all over the floor because I’d have to be the one to clean it up and I didn’t need another mess to take care of that clearly was not my fault in the first place.
But then immediately I told myself I was crazy and put the whole drama out of my mind, sort of. I proceeded to wash my hair, only when I squeezed the shampoo bottle it made that noise that it does when you’re almost out and it’s telling you to that you only have a little bit left before you allow yourself to use the new shampoo you already bought to replace that old one that you’re tired of now, since you absolutely have to use the old one up before using the new one so you just use gobs and gobs and gobs of the old one every time you shampoo to make it go faster. (Just me?)
And when that happened all I could think was ‘I hope whoever is in the house doesn’t think I farted in the shower.’