Where's Berkely?

It's Thursday, and so I am throwing it back again.  

I was 15 and a half when I wrote this, and apparently was dealing with an internal struggle as to whether I wanted to be a well-known actress or stay at home mom.  Only one of those dreams materialized.  I'll let you guess which one.

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Sun. Feb 23, 1997 (8:38 p.m.)

I invented Selfies in my bedroom with a 35mm camera and self timer.
Also I was probably more like 17 here.  Close enough.

I guess it's been a while.  I need to write more!  I think I write that a lot.  Gosh I'm tired.  I watched my cousin on Friday.  She is so much fun!  We read a story and played with Barney.  She was a little sick, so she wasn't as hyper.  On Saturday I went to the Imax & to St. Matthew's mall.  At the IMAX we saw something on special effects.  It was neat, we saw how they blew up the white house in Independence Day.  That would be a neat job.  At the mall me & Marilla walked around.  I love that mall.  It has so much stuff.  We went into this music store.  We were looking through music books & this guy came over & told us that we weren't allowed to.  He said "This is me, I'm the jerk, welcome to jerk express."  I almost busted out laughing.  It was funny.  He was nice about it, though.  I wanted to look to see if I could play the songs.  You know, when I'm around people that I don't go to school with, I'm a whole different person.  I'm more outgoing.  Maybe that's a good thing, or maybe it's bad.  I don't know.  It's bad, but all I focus on is wanting a boyfriend and losing weight.  I try to stop, but I can't.  I can't wait to go to college.  Sometimes I want to be this adventurous woman who travels all over the world taking pictures, but other times I want to be the kind of woman who stays at home, taking care of kids, sewing, cooking, working on a flower garden.  My mind is just one humongous contradiction.  I wish I knew what I wanted to do.  I wonder what I'm going to be doing at this exact time in 5 yrs, 10 yrs.  

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Mon. March 3, 1997 (6:46 p.m.)

The grass is turning green!  I love it!  Maybe spring will get here afterall!  It doesn't seem like it now, though.  It's been raining a lot.  It rained Friday night, all day Saturday, and today.  they cancelled school today & tomorrow.  This is 'The Flood of '97.'  They've closed off roads.

I want to be famous.  I have this yearning deep inside of me to be something more.  I don't know what.  I guess an actress.  How will I do that?  There's got to be a way!  Maybe after High School I can go to Hollywood.  I could go to college there.  I've got to make it!  I just have to!  I want everyone to know who I am!  Jaime Ritter!  That's me!  I don't know.  Maybe that's not what I want to do.  I could be a singer.  I don't think I'm good enough for that, though.  I just want to be well known.  I want to be recognised as I walk down the street.  I want to have to have bodyguards.  anything is possible, right?  Gosh, where would I go to college?  Where's Berkely?  I think it's in San Francisco.  I've got to go somewhere, get somewhere better than I am.  I know I've got a good life here, but I want something more.  I'm only 15.  I've got time, I think.

(The rest of the journal entries can be found here: Jaime's embarrassing journal entries about boys she loved and also how much she wanted to get her period.)