I also have a picture of her daughter but thought posting it would be mean

I had a fourth grade teacher who hated my guts.  (Apparently I have an issue with teachers.)

No, really.  Just ask my mom. 

My parents were never one to blindly believe what we said regarding persons of authority, and usually the authority figures won out in the ‘who’s right’ contest. 

But this woman was so nuts even my mom agreed.  She had a personal vendetta against me and I never quite figured out why, unless you count me ‘going’ with the boy her also-9-year-old daughter liked and occasionally ‘went’ with as well.

Evil (also - girl eating a banana.  Her name was Tess)

His name was Steven and he was kind of dreamy, dark hair, dark eyes, perpetually tanned skin.  Also a little bit of a man-whore.  As much as being 9 would allow.

True story – when he broke up with me one time (because I think we broke up and got back together a total of 12 times throughout our doomed courtship) I tragically sat on the steps and sobbed because that’s what heroines who’ve lost the love of their lives do.  And these were for real sobs – loud, wailing, brutal sobs.  My mom found me there heaving and blubbering and told me that all of it wouldn’t matter when I was older.

I told her she just didn’t understand.

I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to contain her laughter.

So my teacher, Mrs. Locke, had some sanity issues and was maybe a little too involved in her daughter’s life.  Luckily this girl wasn’t in the same class as I was, but she was always there spiritually.  Mrs. Locke one time put two strikes next to another girl’s name on the punishment chart for sitting next to Steven.  Three strikes and something bad happened, like a note home to your parents or being forced to write an essay or something.    

Now I’ve mentioned my fear of authority.  But when certain authority figures reveal themselves to be crazy, nutjob, jerks then all bets are off.  I do not recognize their authority; I inwardly roll my eyes and tell them off in my head.  Sometimes I have been known to let inappropriate comments slip out because I’ve been saying them so long and so loudly inside that my mouth cannot contain what my brain is shouting.

But I’m sure I held my tongue with this woman. 

Maybe.

She routinely tried to embarrass me, to call on me in class, or just to find things to chastise me for.

And yet she saw fit to invite me to her daughter’s birthday party.  I’m certain it was just to try to rub it in my face that Steven was no longer my boyfriend.  And as shocked as I was to be invited, I was even more shocked to see my teacher in her own house.

That shit’s weird.  Some boundaries shouldn’t be crossed.

We went on a field trip once to My Old Kentucky Home and my mom was a chaperon.  After hours and hours of drudgery and hatefulness from this woman, finally my mom said “You’re just going to have to try to stay out of her way, Jaime.”

Wise words, Mom.  If only I didn’t have to spend all day every week day in her presence … 

Luckily the batshit insane woman left after only one year so no one else at Flaherty Elementary had to deal with her.

I think she actually did quit for ‘mental reasons.’ 

It’s hard to see the boy your daughter likes going with another girl, I guess.