Do zombies even still have nuts?

My daughter is still sleeping and it's almost 8 a.m.  This can only mean that she is extremely sick or that she woke up at 4:30 a.m. crying and begging to play on the ipod.

The what?

Of course I was already awake because I my body hates me and gave me a headache and also because I ate a big bowl of pasta last night because Chris was out of town and the kids will eat pasta without wailing and whining and withering in front of their plates.  I haven't had pasta in awhile because of the whole Paleo thing, and my reaction to it last night is probably enough to convince me that maybe we're on the right track with this whole 'changing the way we eat' thing.  The stomach cramps are still continuing and also still making me want to jab a sharp object into my gut in the hopes of relieving the pain.  It's like, you don't know how much better you feel until you eat something that you're not really supposed to.  And then it's like, whoa, maybe there's something to all of this.

I'm impressed that I was able to take this
picture and no blood was shed.

So - no sleep for me.

Sebastian slept in this morning instead of waking up at 5 wanting to get ready for school.  I actually had to wake him up so he wouldn't miss the bus.  He wasn't feeling all that well, either, but I think that was more because it is relatively warm in our house and he insists on sleeping with a feather blanket, which slowly bakes him all night long.  So he was understandably sweaty.  But I sent him to school anyway because it's picture day and I didn't want to have to fiddle with make-up-day or whatever.  Also I am enjoying the peace that comes with my children not being together during the day.  There is much less yelling and screaming and crying.  I think it's good for them to be apart some.  Last night I even caught them playing in the same vicinity without physical violence.  Sebastian was working a puzzle and Adele was building with Duplos and there was a bit of tranquility.

Adele is a bit jealous of Sebastian riding the school bus.  But I want to tell here that it's not that pleasant of a place to be and her brother already discovered the word 'nuts' from a boy on the bus, as in "I'm going to kick a zombie in the nuts."

Ask me how happy I am about that.  Go on, ask.

I know that I can't keep him from all that forever.  But he's 5 years old!  He's just a little boy!

I really wish we could have kept him in the private catholic school that he went to for preschool.  Part of that is because when we went to open house to meet the teachers, in the big meeting with transportation people and lunch room people and whatnot, everyone who spoke basically told us that we were idiots, and that we were going to be an idiot sometime throughout the year, and that they would have to have someone escort us away once we did become idiots.

It wasn't very promising.

But he's learning a lot, I do admit.  He's started sounding out words for real now, and not just sounding them out by repeating what I say.  And he's writing his name so much better than he used to.  He's had some trouble as somehow his name includes more letters than any other name in the history of ever.

Sorry, kid!

So we'll see.  Maybe for first grade we can put him back in catholic school.

We also have both kids playing soccer this year.  Sebastian started on Monday and I spent the entire practice trying to keep Adele off the field.  I brought her ball with us in the hopes of distracting her, but all she did was try to kick it in their goal, and then scream when I kept her from her Olympic soccer dream.

Last night was her first practice and it was ridiculously adorable.  I think she had a lot of fun and I think she's a natural.  She's so athletic and tough.  She was the only girl on the team not wearing a hot pink shirt.  Their team name is Uruguay, but the coach insists on calling them The Princesses.  I kind of wanted to shake him and tell him that his attitude and need to force girls to be dainty princesses is what is wrong with society today.  And then my daughter smacked his daughter in the face so I think he got the point.

(Chris saw it and said she was just playing - not trying to be mean.  But I say it was a direct response to being called a princess.  He made her apologize but I think he should have given her a high-five.)

(I'm joking - please don't fuss at me.)

With Sebastian, I've noticed a big improvement in how he plays.  And he has some of the same boys on his team as last fall, which is nice because there were some parents I really liked and wanted to keep in touch with but am too shy to say "Hey! Let's hang out!  I need friends!"

So now I can see them a couple of times a week.

(Adele is still sleeping.  I should probably go check on her.  Or maybe she sneaked downstairs and found the ipod and is playing in her closet.  Either way, at least she's quiet.)

My girl can kick any princess' ass.

The flu has hit our house and I would VERY MUCH LIKE FOR IT TO LEAVE

Still pretty damn gorgeous, sick and all.

Sebastian hasn’t been acting like himself for the past couple of days, and so when I found out last night that his grandmother, who watched him overnight this past weekend, had the flu, I was fairly certain that we would be experiencing that divine virus soon.

However, the idea of that didn’t stop me from staying up until midnight again because I can’t sleep when my husband is out of town as I rely on him to protect me from zombies and if he isn’t here who will stab them in the eyeballs?  I mean, I’ve got a shot gun, but if I shoot them that will just draw more to my house, and then what would I do?  Of course, there are a lot of asshole stray cats living around the neighborhood so maybe they would be enough of a distraction for the zombies.  And bonus: No more cat shit in my yard.  I hope they eat the one that beat up my poor, front claw-less cat last week first.

But anyway, I heard Sebastian whimpering at 3 this morning and when I went up to check up on him, he was almost in tears because he couldn’t find one of the stuffed animals he went to bed with, which is highly unusual.  Also, his whole body was on fire.  Literally, I had a difficult time touching him because he was so hot.  I picked him up and scrounged around unsuccessfully for the children’s Tylenol that I knew I had at some point upstairs in the kids’ bathroom. 

And then I put him in my bed downstairs and searched again for that medicine, but still couldn’t find it.  Hey, just a suggestion for everyone who is as disorganized as I am (which I’m guessing is NO ONE AT ALL), it’s a good idea to keep medicines and such in a place where you can easily find them in the middle of the night when your son has a 102 degree temperature.  Dumb ass.

I did, however, find some infant medicine that I’d just bought for Adele, and gave it to him.  He did not approve of the taste, and when I took him to pee about 10 minutes later, he also threw it up.  But at least he made it to the toilet and knock on wood I haven’t had to clean up vomit.  Yet.  I’m almost positive that is coming. 

And so we passed the night with me rubbing his back and him whimpering every time he lost his stuffed animal.  I think we both eventually slept, though fitfully.  In the light of morning he said “I keep waking up.”

Oh, speaking of vomit, I just this second remembered that my cat also barfed somewhere under my bed right after Sebastian did.  I did not clean it up as there is a limit to what I’m willing to do at 3:30 in the morning and that is way passed said limit when it would also mean I had to move Sebastian while I did it. 

If I wouldn’t get so grossed out at the thought of it being there I’d leave it until Chris got back as a special reward for him missing the past few AMAZING days.

Sebastian has spent most of the day camped out on the couch, heavy lidded.  We went to the doctor, where they confirmed the flu, and gave me a prescription.  While at the pharmacy I bought some nail polish and this:

The wine, not the flowers. Those came from my back yard.

Mama needed some medicine and also some nail polish to make me feel better.  It’s only been recently that we’ve been able to buy alcohol in this city, and I for one am going to take full advantage of it.

Word.

I also bought Sebastian a Power Ranger toy, which I disapprove of on principle, but when my weak, sick 3 year old asks for a toy, I am incapable of denying him.  I’m just grateful he didn’t ask for a trampoline.

He watched a movie when we got home and then I said it was time for bed.  And then he threw up all the medicine I gave him, the Gatorade I forced on him, and a half of a piece of toast.  But once again – and I can’t stress this enough – he made it to the toilet.

I told him to lie down in his bed and I’d come in and read him a story when I got Adele in her bed.  I was away for all of five minutes and this is what I saw when I got to his room:

Yes, it's blurry.  But let me describe it to you: he is asleep
under a feather blanket when it's almost 80 degrees outside,
clutching his new toy.

Guys, he’s never been this sick, and the doctor said it could get worse before it gets better.  I know it’s just a virus, but still.  I feel entirely ill-equipped to handle this situation.  I am helpless to make him feel better.  I get him cold compresses, I ask him over and over again to drink something, I hug him, I let him watch however much TV he wants, I hover and frown with worry.

All I want to do is take it all away.

Random Monday: In which I discuss time change, wild children, and The Walking Dead

1. It’s the Monday after the time changed, in case you didn’t know.

2. I feel as awful as you’d imagine, and probably as awful as everyone else has already told you they feel.

3. But I also wanted to share that I think Sebastian is growing up a little too quickly and I would like all of you to make him stop.

4. First it was that I could put his clothes out and he would put them on.

5. But just recently he’s started changing his clothes periodically throughout the day, getting them out of his closet himself and coming up with remarkable outfits.

6. Like this one:

7. And I love it.  I do. 

8. Now his sister hasn’t mastered that art, obviously, and while he was looking particularly stylish in a shirt that used to be mine, this is what Adele looked like:

9. In my defense, it was a wicked rushed morning and all of us wanted to go back to bed at about 7:45 a.m.

10 Who am I kidding, her hair always looks like that.  Unless I go somewhere.

11 Like this weekend.  I took the kids to visit some friends of mine that I don’t get to see as often as I like.

12.  Adele had pigtails.

13. Which while adorable totally didn’t make up for the fact that she ran up and down the wooden-floored hallway for a good 30 minutes to an hour, yelling at the top of her lungs.

14. Sebastian also decided that that would be fun.

15. My kids are wild.  But I kept reassuring everyone that they weren’t like that ALL THE TIME.

15. No one believed me.

16. I also said that somehow the combination of Christopher and myself created super crazy children.

17. But also pretty awesome.

18. Sebastian also takes it upon himself to close the bathroom door upstairs whenever Adele goes up there, because she likes to unroll all the toilet paper and throw it into the toilet and take all the shampoo bottles and hid them in random places.

19. He just does it, without me asking him to.

20. He also will fetch things for me or give toys to Adele when she’s fussing, to try to make her feel better.

21. And earlier he stole two cookies from the counter without me knowing.

22. At least he told me about it when he was done.

23. But my point is that he has his own mind, and is getting big enough to execute thoughts he has, like sneaking cookies or changing into pajamas whenever he gets sent to his room for acting out.

24. Sometimes he changes into pajamas six times a day.

25. Hey, did anybody see The Walking Dead last night and were you as disturbed as I was? 

26. I couldn’t sleep.  The end got me, and kind of won’t let go.

27. I know that wasn’t really what I was talking about, but my mind won’t shut it off.

28. I blame the time change.

Evidently perfectly logical thought processes happen at 3 in the morning

While cleaning out my email inbox of all the ‘IMPORTANT!!!!1  WE WANT TO SHIP YOU FREE STUFF’ and ‘SEXY SINGLES IN YOUR AREA!!!!!!!1’ messages, I came across a letter I’d written as a reminder to myself.  Obviously it had done its job since I, um, forgot about it.

It must have gotten lost in all the exclamation marks.

But anyway, this letter didn’t have any content, as the message was in the subject.

And the subject: I PRAYED WE WOULDN’T TURN INTO ZOMBIES!!

Yes, yes it was.

I wrote it about a week ago because I thought it would make a good blog post.  Or at least something people can use to make fun of me because my awkward coordination isn’t providing enough material at the moment.

(Nobody else emails themselves quirky thoughts because they may want to share them with the internet later?  Hmm.)

You see, it was in the middle of the night after waking up one more time with Adele.  I was upstairs rocking the baby, zoning in and out of consciousness, when this thought popped into my head.  A thought that was completely rational at the time.

I prayed that my family wouldn’t turn into zombies.  

As soon as I had the thought, which again, felt totally normal, my eyes burst open.  And I smiled.  And then I laughed outright at myself and thought ‘I’ve got to tell the internet about this!’

I think it stems from ‘The Walking Dead.’  That show stressed me out so bad.  I lost sleep over it.  And apparently I’m still having flashbacks that jump into my brain in the middle of the night. 

I mean, imagine how awful that would be if the whole world was overrun with zombies?  And what if I turned into one before my kids?  They’d have to run away from me on account of the zombieness.  Or what if something worse happened?  

But what if the kids turned into zombies first?  What would I do? 

HOW DO YOU EVEN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?  

 

Future zombies?