Months before I became pregnant with Sebastian I had a dream I was at my parents’ house in the field in front of their old barn, sitting down with Chris and a baby girl with light brown hair and a purple, flowered dress. I admit that I’m superstitious and believe in signs and whatnot, but when I found out I was having a boy, I figured that it was only a dream, nothing more.
And since Chris’ family tends to make lots and lots of boys, I also believed that it was my calling to be the mother of a passel of boys, and I was completely fine with that. Boys are awesome, fun, rowdy, rambunctious and rough. At least mine is. Though it has taken me a while to get used to that sort of behavior, I’ve grown to love it.
So when I became pregnant for the second time, I was all set to have another boy. But in the back of my mind I didn’t feel strongly that the little babe was of the male persuasion. Something just felt decidedly girl-like. But I didn’t want to admit it because I didn’t want to look like a fool when the ultrasound showed it was another boy.
But still, when the lady doing our ultrasound asked if we wanted to know what we were having, then began typing on the screen, I was ready for boy. And then she typed a ‘G’. And I started crying.
I never thought I’d have a girl!
Well, that’s what you’ve got!
And until that moment I didn’t realize how much I wanted a daughter. A sweet little girl who looks almost like I dreamed her to be. A sweet little girl who would teach me patience and show me that my heart is big enough to encompass all the children we choose to have, who would make me stronger, more thoughtful, and much, much more organized.
To say it has been a rough year is an understatement. I know I’ve shared with you just how difficult, and you should probably take that and multiply it by 10, then you’d see how it’s been. But that was just me adjusting, as I had to adjust to being a mother when Sebastian was born. I’m a bit slow on the uptake, but once I get going everything works out.
She’s a fantastic little girl, quick to laugh and mimic and can occupy herself for so long, just exploring. She’s only fussy when she wants to eat or sleep, or, these days, when I make her sit still for a diaper change.
Trust me sweet girl, it’s just as annoying for me as it is for you.
She’s constantly running into things with her head, much like her brother, and I’m sorry to say much like me. She loves to dance and move along to music. She loves toys and books that have faces on them and will squeal at them and laugh and try to bite their noses.
She will follow me around from room to room, and loves to be right where her brother is. She gets mad and yells at us when we close the doors to the bathroom and backroom right in front of her face because she doesn’t understand that those aren’t the best places for her to play.
She will talk to you like she’s telling the best story, gesturing and pointing and exclaiming, raising her eyebrows to really bring her point home. She can sign ‘more’ and ‘all done’ and we’re working on ‘Mama.’
She’s timid, slow to crawl and slow to stand, wanting to be sure of herself before she takes that leap.
And now my baby, my ONE YEAR OLD, is swiftly becoming my toddler. But she will always, always be my little girl.