A study abroad Halloween

Guys.  I kind of hate everything at the moment.

I have no reason, really, other than just a general, unexplainable discontent.

I hate that I have to cook everyday.  I hate that I have to clean up everyday.  I hate being responsible.  I hate that I have to go to the grocery this afternoon.  I hate that I'm 90 percent sure I was supposed to send in candy with Adele for a school Halloween party but didn't.  I hate that I haven't been sleeping.  And I especially hate that I'm not at home on the couch reading right now.

To make me feel better, please tell me in the comments everything that you currently hate.

Now let's try to emerge from the muck and gloom a bit, shall we?  When I was in Austria (12 years ago, holy hell) the people living in my dorm decided to have a Halloween party.  It was probably the best one I've ever attended, and also the one and only time I fell asleep with my head hanging over the toilet.

The thing about Halloween in Europe was that there wasn't nearly as much candy as now.  It was odd, honestly.  I kept expecting to see bowls of Reese cup ghosts, but instead there were only pretzels.  Sad face.

This entry is probably the longest in the history of ever, if only because I was determined to document everything that I did over there.  For posterity's sake.  And I have added new paragraph spacing that wasn't there before because, well, paragraphs are important.

(Also - these are totally pictures of pictures so excuse the quality...)

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Gloria, me, Mette, Henrik

10/27/02 9:59 p.m.

I drank too much at the party last night & ended up falling asleep with my head over the toilet.  What an interesting story!  It was a Halloween party on the 4th floor & everyone had to dress up.  I was a gypsy.  I actually think I did a pretty good job w/it.  But of course once again I drank too much.  I had 2 glasses of wine, 2 beers, one glass of gin & sprite, one baby tequila shot, and I think that's all.  Oh, I did have a tiny bit of generic baileys.  I shouldn't have mixed everything like that.  But I danced a lot but not as much as before at past parties.  One time I decided to have a glass of wine & a glass of gin to take upstairs with me, but I couldn't walk up the stairs.  My skirt was too long & my hands were full so I couldn't hold it up so I tripped on it & stepped on it & I lost my gin.  But I think that was best.  I didn't need both drinks then.  I ended up putting pants on so that was better.  

Me, Lise

After awhile I got a little bored & decided to go to bed.  I just came down here & talked to Riitta about how crappy we felt.  This was about 4 in the morning I think.  But then all the sudden she leaves & goes to the bathroom in Lisa & Ingrid's kitchen & I decide that I should also go.  I think I was really drunk, but I think I could tell that I was going to be sick.  So I go & kneel in front of the toilet.  After a few minutes I puke a couple times.  I thought I should stay there because I might need to do it again.  So I put the lid down & flush & just lay my head on top.  And I passed out.  I woke up after maybe 30 minutes & peed & went out.  Mark & Denise were sitting there talking & just looked at me like where the fuck did you come from?  I just laughed & waved & said I think I fell asleep.  And then I went to bed.  I took a plastic bag with me just in case.  

Gloria, me, Lise

I woke up this morning around 9:30 or 10 & I had a horrible headache & I couldn't move very well at all.  I was so afraid I would puke.  I kept praying that I would just go back to sleep.  I finally did & woke up around 1 & went to the bathroom & took some aspirin & came & laid back down.  I felt okay after that.  I got back up around 2:30, well really 1:30 because the time changed.  Oh, I also hit my head on my shelf last night & I have a red mark on my forehead.  But today I didn't do much at all.  I did call Chris.  I miss him so very much.  But it won't be very much longer until I go back..  I didn't call my parents because I don't have the money.  My loan hasn't gotten here yet.  But I figured they would call but they didn't.  I wish they would have.  Maybe I'll call them later in the week.  Oh, everyone teased me today about sleeping in the bathroom.  It was funny.  

Back: Anne-Kristina, Ritta, Nicole
Front: me, Mette

Yesterday afternoon, me, Henrik, Riitta, Mark & Farag went to a military show thing.  It was Austria's national day & so lots of military equipment was set up at the Hofburg, I think & we just waked through.  It was actually a little boring, though.  After that we went to the Natural Historical Museum where I saw a bunch of rocks & dead animals.  After that we went to the Kunst historical Museum but I've already been there.  That's where the Ruben paintings are.  Then after that Farag met up with friends & the rest of us went to eat at the place where I ate calf brains a few months ago.  That's not what I had this time, though.  I had rindsrouladen.  It was really good.  We came back & I laid down for a little bit then got ready for the party.  

Ritta, Henrik, me, Vlad

But I guess I should catch up everything.  On Thursday the 24th I had children's lit class.  It was okay.  That night I went to the opera with Riitta & Noora.  Lise, Espen, Ingrid & her boyfriend also went but we didn't go together.  We saw Sparticus the ballet.  It was actually really good.  I didn't even get that tired of standing because we had breaks every 45 min.  But there was a big blue guy with a big blue penis.  It was huge!  But he was only on stage for a few minutes.  But it stood out!  I had a horrible coughing fit during it.  I think it was because there was an old man in front of me who actually smelled like death.  That's all I could think about.  

But there are so many rules there.  We had to check our jackets, which isn't really a problem, but we had to pay for it.  We tried to sneak & not do it but some lady behind us told on us.  Then Ingrid took a picture in the lobby & got into trouble - well just told not to do it anymore.  But it was only in the lobby & not during the performance so I don't understand.  Lise sat on the floor & she had to get up.  The rules didn't make any sense at all.  Oh well.  

On Friday I went to school to check my email then met everyone at the Secession for an exkursion.  It was really boring.  It was interesting to learn about the Klimt fresco but learning about the building was really boring.  I just didn't care too much.  I don't understand the art that's inside it.  It's too abstract for me.  

After that I came back here.  I ended up going to Zielpumkt 3 times.  First I went w/Mark to take back some empty beer bottles & do some shopping.  Well I was going to buy gin but I thought they took credit cards but they didn't so I had to put it back.  But I really want it so Mark & I found some more bottles & went back to Zielpunkt to get the money for the bottles.  It wasn't very much, though.  So we went to the ATM, then cam back & bought the gin.  So 3 times in about 1 hour.  That was funny.  The people must have thought we were crazy.  

Later Henrik, Mark, Riitta & I went to the movies & saw XXX with Vin Diesel.  It was so very bad.  The acting was terrible & it was filled w/one-liners.  But it was so corny that it was funny so we got some enjoyment!  And I think that's about all.

Oh Vienna. I will always miss you.

I had every intention of posting this yesterday.  I mean, I had every intention of posting this yesterday weeks before yesterday. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about my study abroad trip to Vienna because it was 10 years ago that I started that experience.  Ten years ago yesterday.  And so I've been planning on sharing from my journal, which I wrote in daily while I was gone, unless I was too drunk.  Have I mentioned the parties?  There were lots of parties.  Lots and lots of parties.  And lots and lots of sangria filled with lots and lots of alcohol.

And dancing.  So much dancing.  I miss the drunk dancing.

So 10 years ago yesterday I set off on a plane with my 'traveling outfit,' which mainly consisted of what I thought someone traveling to Europe for a study abroad trip in Vienna would wear.  Linen pants and a white t-shirt, if you must know, which is the absolute worst traveling outfit in the history of ever, because by the time I finally made it to Germany, where I stayed with Chris' grandparents for a week before I went to Vienna, my white shirt was full of coffee stains and my linen pants were wrinkled beyond recognition.  So please, learn from my mistakes.  Dark clothes are the way to go.

I was nervous, scared, worried and thrilled all at the same time.  It was my first real time being on my own for this long and I didn't know how it would be.

It actually was a spur of the minute decision to go, as I hadn't even considered going until I heard other people in my German class talking about it.  And it seemed doable.  And absolutely necessary.

And so I started the process.  And then I was on my way.

I'm probably a little bit over-introspective, but this trip has stayed with me.  These four months have affected me more than anything outside the births of my children.  And I wish so much that I could go back.  Not necessarily to Vienna, although there's that, too.  But I want to go back to this time of meeting new people, of being unencumbered by the responsibilities that currently take up my life.  Of really feeling like I was living, like I was experiencing something I'd always wanted to experience. 

But things change, time passes, life happens.  And I won't be that person again.  But I had Vienna.  And I am ever so grateful.

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8/20/02  2:15 p.m.

Things are so weird sometimes.  I'm in North Carolina waiting for my flight to Frankfurt.  Last time seemed so much more exciting.*  I think I'm old.  Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep last night.  I didn't go to bed until 1:30.  Nothing feels real.  Is this really happening?  Will I be able to survive 4 months without Chris?  A guy just sat down next to me who smells like him.  Smells are so interesting, the way they take your mind to different places.  Mom was crying when I said good-bye.  It's hard.  I don't know if I really want to do this. 

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You can find the rest of my journal entries here.

* Here I'm talking about when I went to Italy by myself to visit my sister for a couple of weeks when I was 16.

No kangaroos in Austria*

I can’t remember what I ate.

And for some reason that’s kind of what haunts me the most about my study abroad trip to Vienna.

I went in the fall of 2002 and I made friends with people I’m still in contact with.  It was an amazing, life-changing experience and all the other clichés that people who have been on trips like this say.  In some ways I can’t believe it’s been almost 10 years since I was there.  In some ways I can’t believe it feels like a lifetime ago, like I was a different person.  

I learned how to bake bread from the Norwegians and Finns while I was over there, got addicted to hot tea with no sweetening, drank a ton of sangria made by the Spanish girls (or as we call it – hooch), and ate far too many chocolate bars.

But what did I eat every day?

I remember that hunk of cheese I bought on that excursion to some little town I can’t remember.  But I remember the cheese and how I finished a whole quarter pound of it all by myself.

I remember the day I accidentally ate calf brains.  I’d ordered something from a restaurant not knowing exactly what it was but trying to be adventurous.  I am not nearly adventurous enough for calf brains, but I did eat at least a few bites of it before I pushed my plate away.

I remember Henrik, from Denmark, bringing back a corn pizza to the studentenheim, and how everyone laughed and said corn wouldn’t make for a very good pizza, and how much of the vegetable was actually piled up on it.  He finally agreed.  It was just too much corn.

I remember the Thanksgiving dinner the Americans fixed for the rest of the international students staying in the same building, and how we didn’t have anything to mash the potatoes with and so used a fork.  And they didn’t have turkeys in the store so we had to buy small chickens.

I remember having Ramadan dinner with Faraj, from Jordan, and some of his friends.

I remember coffee, lots and lots of coffee.

And copious amounts of beer.  By the crate.

I remember freedom and adventure and laughing.  I remember staying up until morning every weekend, then sleeping all afternoon.

I remember stopping by McDonalds after talking with my boyfriend, (now husband), because I just missed home so much and unfortunately that was the only thing familiar.  

I remember the apple yogurt that I haven’t been able to find anywhere since, that was the best yogurt I’ve ever tasted.

I remember making pizza with Riitta, from Finland, and going on our own excursions together because we both missed our boyfriends.

I remember Zanoni & Zanoni, an ice cream parlor where we went over and over, but where I mainly ordered vanilla because it was so creamy and smooth and tasted like cake.

I remember the Norwegian glug party, where we drank warm spiced wine and Lise told fairy tales.

I know I ate, and I remember some things pretty well, like all the salads I made with balsamic vinegar for dressing since I couldn’t find ranch anywhere, or the chocolate and pretzels.  

But it doesn’t add up.  All the breakfasts and lunches and dinners.  

I was just reading through the journal I kept while I was over there, and I’m amazed at who I was, and what I did.  And I have a strong urge to tell that 21-year-old of all the things she should do while she’s over there, of all the stuff she’ll miss out on if she worries too much about what other people think.  

It was my first time on my own, really on my own, even if only for a semester.  It was so crazy, and so normal and so vast.  I so much want to go back, to be there all over again, to experience everything I did, but with the maturity and knowledge I’ve gained since.

In a way I’m still searching for that time.  I’ve lived so much since, but a part of me is still sitting in the studentenheim, drinking sangria or red wine late into the night with the international students, planning our next adventure.

* When I told people I was going to Austria, far too many mentioned kangaroos.  Turns out it was A THING where people got Austria and Australia mixed up.  I actually bought a t-shirt that had that saying on it.  And I didn’t see one kangaroo while I was there.