Tired Mama

2:30 in the morning is not the ideal time to be woken up.

I’d heard Sebastian’s door open from his monitor (yes, we still use a monitor for him.  One day we will stop, just not yet) and I figured he was just getting up to use the bathroom like he sometimes does.  But instead, after a minute I heard our own bedroom door open.

I had a bad dream.  Can I sleep with you guys?

Oh honey.  Of course you can.  Of course you can.

You see, I have vivid memories of crawling into my parents’ bed multiple times when I was Sebastian’s age.  And I figured it was only a matter of time since he started coming out of his room by himself on his 4^th birthday.  Every morning my dad would tell me not to get into their bed at night.  It’s become a family joke that I’d always say “I’ll forget that.”  And I didn’t mean that I wasn’t paying attention.  I just knew that I wasn’t going to let my brain hold onto that little piece of direction.  And if I didn’t focus on it, it wasn’t there, right?

Right.

So Sebastian crawled in next to me and cuddled in, which is not something he does very often.  He’s crazy affectionate, always telling me how much he loves me and giving me kisses.  Yesterday he said to me “Come over here and give me a BIG HUG, Mommy.”  That’s something I always say to him, so it was almost strange, but incredibly endearing to hear it said back to me.

On Saturday as we were walking home from a downtown festival with friends I stopped to tie his shoe and he hugged my head tight as I bent down and said “You’re my best girl ever!”

I know I won’t always be.  I know that it’s just a matter of time before he is embarrassed when I kiss him goodbye after walking him to school.  Even now when I ask him what he did when he was gone from me he says “I can’t tell you that.”

But Sebastian, no matter how affectionate he is now, is not one to let you hold onto him for very long.  He’s too busy. 

He didn’t move around much when he was lying next to me, but still I couldn’t sleep.  I’m a crazy light sleeper, which unfortunately has been passed down to my children.  But it was so nice, so peaceful to have him in my arms again.  And while I was physically uncomfortable and most upset that I wasn’t sleeping because I knew how hard today would be, I do not regret the time spent awake holding my baby.  My big boy.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have two children to put to bed and a couch to relax on until it’s time for me to put myself to bed.