I spent way too much time figuring out how to type an up arrow on the keyboard for authenticity

The other child has been taken over by the stomach virus from one of the really bad circles of hell, but I've never actually read Dante's Inferno so I can't tell you the exact one.  I tried to wikipedia it but it just got me depressed thinking about anger and gluttony and fraud so I decided it wasn't important enough to have an exact circle to describe my son's stomach virus.  Unless it's the gluttony one because he has eaten a whole lot of generic fruit loops lately, which I only realized afterward has some very strong food coloring in it (I know!  Where have I been?) so I ordered a bunch of the hippie, organic fruit loops which he'll probably refuse to eat anyway.

Where was I?

Stomach virus.  So he's home from school today.  And I need a pick-me-up.

I was looking for a picture the other day to illustrate a blog post (this one, actually) and I stumbled across a box of notes my friends had written to me.  Oh yes.

And this was, of course, before the days of texting and email and right in the height of special, origami-type folding that I never quite mastered but that most of my friends were proficient in.

So I'm adding this to the list of Jaime's embarrassing journal entries about boys she loved and also how much she wanted to get her period.  

I think this particular one was written in middle school.  I'm 90 percent sure of who it's from, but sometimes I get confused because I am old and this was 20 years ago (OH MY GAWD).

..................................................................................................................

Jaime,

So wuz ↑? Not much here.  Just thinking of those 2 guys and Ashley.  I still get the jitters when I think of her absence.  It's just so sad.  I hope she doesn't forget about us. (I have absolutely no idea who or what she's talking about here.)

~~~~~~~~♥~~~~~~~~♥~~~~~~~~♥~~~~~~~~♥~~~~~~~~ 

Did you talk to Rosco?  He's so cute!  Especially with his hat on backwards.  You may not think he's cute but I do!  FOR SURE!  Write Back or talk to me at lunch about ROSCO I don't mind if anyone reads this but if they make any remarks about Rosco, just slappem!  See ya at the football game!

A GREAT friend,

Juniper

P.S. You won't have fun at Chasity's cause I won't be there! (Joke)

Circa letter-writing time. Maybe. I
honestly don't know because
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
But my hair looked fabulous.

(Here are the rest of my journal entries if you need a good laugh at my expense.  Go ahead.  I don't mind.)

She's eaten a ton of cheddar cheese this morning so I think that means she's feeling better

I had a weird dream last night.  Apparently Katherine Heigl was a present-day werewolf who fell in love with a werewolf hunter and she turned him into a werewolf but none of his friends knew.  And being a werewolf made him a better werewolf hunter so he could hunt out his new werewolf friends.

And then I dreamed I was driving people to go bowling - like friends and family.


I promise I haven't taken any strange drugs lately, but I have been completely sleep deprived because of a certain small girl with a ferocious stomach bug.

She only barfed once, and of course it was completely down the front of my shirt.  But we have spent the past two and a half days in the bathroom.  It's been ... something.

But the (relatively) nice thing about Adele being sick is that she's a cuddly bug.  So when I haven't been in the bathroom with her I've been holding her.  Or sitting down on the couch with her.  Or letting her lay her head on my shoulder while I rub her back.  That doesn't happen all that often in the GO-GO-GO that is her 2-and-a-half-year-old, ridiculously hyper self.  So we slowed down a little.

Of course this lead to intense jealously from her brother, who lashed out by telling me he wanted me to go to jail and that the next time I came to visit him at his school he would refuse to sit by me.

My angel.

But I've tried to counter it by spending more time with him one-on-one, when Adele is sleeping, and it seems to be working.  His attitude has been better.  Of course, he could have always been mildly sick himself, but who knows.  You can't really tell with him.  And I'm still kicking myself for taking Adele to the doctor for them to tell me to give her rest and fluids when I already knew that she needed rest and fluids because COMMON SENSE.  But I always worry that the kids will have some kind of weird infection that I won't be able to cure without antibiotics, which is ridiculous, I know.

So.  Babash can have rest and fluids if he starts acting really for real sick and not just fake, I-want-attention sick.

But Adele finally seems to be better, and we haven't had to spend extended time in the bathroom once today, which is a huge improvement already.  And she slept all night last night, except for that one time when she lost her paci and screamed and I made Chris go up and take care of it because whenever I try to she won't let go and I have to bring her downstairs to our bed and no one sleeps at all.

(Don't judge the paci use.  I ALREADY FEEL LIKE A FAILURE FOR NOT TAKING IT AWAY ALREADY.)

I was trying to recreate this picture:

Do you think it worked?

This is sort of a wedding anniversary post

Yesterday was mine and my husband's seventh anniversary.

We marked the occasion by me forcing him to clean the kitchen because I was too tired, which may or may not have been because I stayed up too late the night before 'celebrating' and by that I mean watching "Hemlock Grove" and drinking two glasses of Christopher's homemade hard apple cider that is a little surprising in its potency - every time I drink it.

Smoochie-boochies!

Or maybe I was too tired because I'd done 45 minutes on the elliptical machine at the gym, followed by 45 minutes on the stationary bike with the full leg press addition.  I'd say it was because I was dedicated (which I am, really) but I think it was mainly because I wanted to finish the second part of two-part "Doctor Who" episode.

I mean - aliens that dress up in human form and pass gas and laugh a lot?  WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?

So anyway, we also marked the occasion by me taking the ipod away from Sebastian for three days on account of the tremendous fit he threw because I allowed him to choose whether to play on the computer for 30 minutes or watch a show and he choose the computer but then thought I'd just let him watch the show anyway, which I wouldn't.  So I was forced to listen to the tantrum drag on and drag on and so I locked him in our (large, expansive) playroom just so he wouldn't wake up his sister, who was napping at the time.  I wanted to send him to his room but he told me he'd just be loud when he went up there and wake Adele up.

So. 

I'm hoping today goes a little better.  Already it has.  I stayed home from the gym today because I think both Adele and I are sick.  She's stuffed up and extra cranky when she doesn't get her way and I've got a sore throat.  We are a magical bunch, no?

Instead I took Adele to Kroger after I dropped Sebastian off at school because I needed something for supper and they had one of those little carts that kids can push around and I think it might be the best invention ever.  She refuses to actually sit in a cart because anything that would make my life easier is obviously in opposition to her Life Plan.  So I saw the little cart and thought - why not?  It couldn't actually be worse than me chasing her throughout the store.  (If you're in Target and hear 'Adele? Adele!  Adele!  I'm over here! Stay with me!  Get back here!  Come here!  Adele!' then that's me.  If you see my kid send her my way.)

And it worked.  She stayed right with me and wouldn't let me touch the cart at all.  "I push!  I push!" she said.  She only put a couple of things in the cart - including a bag of goldfish that I let her keep because I was feeling generous.  She even put all of the things on the belt for the cashier to ring up, except for the bag of flour that I didn't want to have to clean up off the floor because we all know it would have fallen and spilled everywhere and then she would have stomped in it and picked it up by the handfuls and thrown it in my face.

So we did well.  And she didn't even fight the car seat, which these days is hit or miss.  You have to let her buckle the top part herself.  Sometimes when she's feeling feisty she half buckles it, then takes it apart and looks at you like "Ha ha!  See what I did?  You want me to buckle it, don't you?  Well, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it.... Tricked you again!  You're so gullible, Mom!" multiple times until I forcefully buckle it myself and then she screams and spits and screams some more and my shoulders reach up and up and up until they're almost at my ears, trying to block out the sound.

But not today.  So far.

I realize it's only 10 in the morning, but I'm hopeful.

So back to our anniversary.  We said "Happy Anniversary" a few times and when he came home from work he took the kids away to hike around a bit and look at some ducks while I recuperated from the exhausting day.  And then he gave them a bath when they got home.  And then he cleaned up the kitchen and vacuumed.

Guys.  That's what being together so long does to you.

And it's absolutely perfect.

(I gave him a peanut butter sandwich for dinner.  You are so welcome, Christopher!)

Homemade Friday: Mozzarella straight from the cow. Almost.

My sister, Courtney has a cow.
No, I mean a real cow.  Like a milk cow.  That she milks every morning.

This may be humorous to those of you who knew her, who remember her saying that she was going to only have one child and live in the city and be an actress. 

Those days were a long time ago.  She has three kids, a couple of step kids, and she lives in the country.  With a cow.  And chickens.  And dogs.  And a horse.  And I suspect that she only said she wanted one child because her younger sister had a tendency to read her journal.  Also - can't we all say that some point we wanted to be an actor?

So, this is who my sister is now.  And I love it.  She gets up in the morning and milks a cow.  And I get to benefit from it.

See?

That's three gallons of milk.  Fresh milk.  The hipster in me is completely delighted at all the stuff I can make with Whole! Fresh! Milk!

First off was mozzarella. 

We have pizza every Friday - homemade pizza with homemade dough and sauce.  And while I can't make the pepperoni myself -yet - I thought it would be super neat to make my own cheese.  Plus we're trying to save money and I spend $8 for a big bag of Wal-mart brand cheese that doesn't last as long as you'd think.  Or maybe I just use too much cheese.  What can I say.  I like cheese.  It runs in the family.  Just ask my mom.

So my sister gave me a ton of milk and cheese making supplies because she's awesome.

Her instructions came from The Cheese Queen.  And they were simple.  Sort of.

The first few steps are completely easy.  You put diluted citric acid in a pot with a gallon of milk and heat it up to 90 degrees, then add the rennet and let it sit for five minutes.  Then cut the curd and heat it up again to 105, take it off the heat and stir it for a few minutes.

And here's where I started having problems.

I drained off the whey and microwaved the curds, but once I tried to knead the curds, they were so hot that I couldn't touch them.  And then I repeated the process.  And then again.  I have no pictures of this because I was too busy trying to administer first aid to my scorched fingertips.

At one point I had the cheese exactly like it was supposed to be - silky and smooth and even touchable without raging burns.  But then I realized that I'd forgotten to put the salt in.  So I sprinkled it on and kneaded it in, and my cheese turned hard and rubbery and the salt wasn't worked in enough so some spots were super salty while others were bland.

I was so sad.

I tried again another day with better results - and rubber gloves.  But even though I put the salt in right where I was supposed to and didn't overwork the cheese nearly as much before it still was too hard and too bland.

However in spite of the disappointing cheese, once it was melted on the pizza it still tasted good.  And I'm not discouraged.  If anything I'm even more excited and determined to do it the right way.

See? It runs in the family.

I used the rest of the milk for ice cream - dark chocolate, vanilla and strawberry - so I need to visit my sister and steal some more.

I think I'm almost giddy with this whole process.  I mean, think of what else you can make with fresh milk!  Cream cheese!  Butter! Sour Cream! Buttermilk! EVEN MORE CHEESE AND ICE CREAM!