Guys. I was very deep for my age. (#tbt)

I'm fairly certain this was the correct time frame.

I am in a foul mood. Like a foul, I-hate-everyone-leave-me-alone-or-else-come-at-me-so-I-can-cut-
you foul mood.

It's awesome. I'm 78 percent sure it's from lack of sleep, but still, it's super frustrating because I have Responsibilities and Children and I can't just block everything out with a book on tape and my sewing machine.

Also I sliced open the tip of my right index finger Monday on a mandolin so typing is amazingly awesome. Also - ouch.

So, to cheer me up, I thought I'd read through some of my old journals again and share some especially awe-inspiring and melodramatic entries with you.

You are so very much welcome.  Also - if you have any that you'd like to show me that would make me smile, please do.

As always, most names changed to protect the innocent.

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2-21-94

I feel weird. I say that alot in this journal. I can't even tell Tana how I feel. Sometimes I don't even know. Please help me. I always act happy at school. Today I started crying, not that much, noone could tell. Mrs. Gentry kept saying I was one of the people she had to wait on to sing. She has no right to say that because I always do what she says.

So and so lies to much. I wish she would stop lying to me about everything.

I'm not sure if I want to die anymore. I'm not sure of anything anymore.


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3-24-94

Music is like Life. When the music stops, so does life.

I hope the music lasts forever.


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3-27-94

I want everyone to get what they want as long as what the want doesn't hurt anyone.


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3-27-94 (Later that night)

I just want to feel loved by a guy. Loved and wanted I don't feel loved or wanted right now.


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9-17-94

You know what? This journal is terrible. All I ever tell you is what I want. But what about what I have? I have a great fried named Maria (Lue), I have a great family. I know that in the past, I've written in here that I have a terrible family, but that's not true. I love my family. Of course we get into fights, every family does.

Maria is the sweetest girl in the world. She's my best friend.

Well, I'm hopelessly in love with a guy named Chorizo (Present-day Jaime says I AM RUNNING OUT OF FAKE NAMES). He's really sweet, and of course he's cute. Ha Ha! The only problem is he's about a head shorter than me! I think he likes me, actually I'm pretty sure he does, I'm just waiting for him to make the first move.

Schools pretty good. I like most of my classes I've got 5th and 7th plus homeroom with Chorizo. Aint that great! But he's a sweetie, and I really like him


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The rest of my journal entries can be found on this page: Jaime's embarrassing journal entries about boys she loved and also how much she wanted to get her period

Motherhood and More: Don't lose your head over Mom-made costume*

I have a Halloween problem. Or, more specifically, I have a homemade Halloween costume problem.

You see, ever since the first time I sewed my oldest child his Halloween costume, I haven’t been able to go back to store-bought ones. I just have a problem paying upwards of $20-$40 for a costume that will be worn once, then fall apart.  That’s not to say that we’ve never rocked the premade ones, but this way makes us all happier.

Plus, as with everything I do as a parent, I have Mom Guilt. My mom made our Halloween costumes. They were always fun and awesome, especially that one year in high school where I made her sew me a sunset costume.

Yes, yes I did. And yes, yes she did.

So I feel it’s my duty to carry on the tradition because I have the capabilities. And it’s just fun. I like saying that I made it, and to me, Halloween should be all about creativity. You can be anything you want and should take full advantage of that.

So I’ve made ninja costumes, wizards, Batman, Harry Potter, an Elsa cape, and, though it wasn’t for Halloween, I’ve made a Luke Skywalker costume.

This year my son has been adamant that he will be the Headless Horseman. It took me awhile to figure that one out. We had a cape from last year’s Harry Potter costume, so that part was simple. But the pumpkin head has given me trouble. I’ve looked at Styrofoam pumpkins, plastic pumpkins and any other pumpkin I could find before dismissing them all as too small, too large, too difficult or too plastic-y. I finally realized that a Paper Mache pumpkin would be perfect. I could make it the size I wanted, easily cut a hole for his head, and it still would be light enough to sit on his shoulders without causing harm.

He wants it painted black with dripping blood, and he also wants to be able to throw it at people because of course he does.

He’s worrying a bit because it’s not quite finished yet.  Don’t worry, kid. I may be last minute but I always get it done.

I started the pumpkin head late because I’ve been fighting with my daughter’s fairy costume. This one was ridiculous. I’ve never sewn satin or organza, and never will again after this. Maybe if I’d done a bit of research before jumping in I wouldn’t have had such trouble, but if I had then I wouldn’t be me.

The costume has a dress and flowing skirt, plus a vest. And it was supposed to have handmade wings but I had to throw in the towel on that and use store-bought ones. There’s only so much torture I am willing to take in the name of homemade Halloween costumes and I had met my limit with all of the hand sewing required.

So I’m excited for Halloween because my kids are pumped about their costumes, which makes me feel good. And I hope that this is something they let me do for years and years to come.

I’ll even sew a sunset costume if that’s what they want.

Halloween 2012 can be found here and here. Sebastian's Luke costume can be found here. And Halloween 2013 is here. I don't have a post for Halloween 2014 because I got lazy, but I do have instagram photos! 

*This column originally published in The News-Enterprise on October 28, 2015.

Let's talk about exercise! (Hush, it's super awesome.)

I should really be working but I want to go back to bed.

That sentence probably runs through my head at any given time on any given day because zzzzzzzzzzzz and also DEADLINE.

But that's not what I'm here to discuss. I want to talk about fitness.

I know, I know. I'm vaguely dorky in a whole new way. But I can't help it. I am really, really enjoying what I'm doing.

I am the type of person who needs a program, I've discovered. I can run regularly and do a bit of weight training, but nothing has worked and I haven't really stuck with anything because BORING and also I WOULD LIKE TO SEE RESULTS.

I recently discovered the 21 Day Fix. I'd heard about it before, either from a blog post or pinterest recipe or the like. But I didn't delve any further for whatever reason, until last month. I spoke with a friend who was really involved in the Team Beachbody programs, and she seemed just as excited as I am now. So I joined. And I get it.

(Excuse me while I gush a bit.)

I like that I have a 30 minute exercise program first thing in the morning. I like that they are different each day of the week. I like that I can double up on the exercises after awhile. I like that there are modifications built into the exercises so I don't feel quite as bad if I can't do something as well as these people who workout for a living.

I also really, really love the shakeology because it is delicious.

I like that I did a full minute forearm plank for the first time in my life this morning. I like that I can feel and see new muscle definition.

I feel like I'm getting somewhere, and when that happens I am even more motivated to keep going. So many times I've started focusing on fitness super hard and dedicated, with little results. And I get sad and mad and say FINE! SCREW THIS it's not worth it if I'm not going to be where I want to be.

But this one is working, guys.

This is my second time on the program. I finished the first one the end of September, then took a week off for my kids' fall break and camping and beer drinking.

I started back this past Monday and it huuuurrrrrtt. I was so sore, but I loved it because I WAS DOING SOMETHING.

I'm really hoping to move on to something a bit tougher after this. Body Beast? Maybe? I haven't decided because it depends on where I am once I'm done with this program.

I even signed up to be a Beachbody coach because I feel so strongly about all of this. So if you're interested at all let me know and I can hook you up with info and encouragement and challenge packs and whatnot.

I also incorporated running because apparently I am training for the Kentucky Derby Mini-Marathon.

Chris has been really pushing for this because the race is right around our 10 year wedding anniversary and, I admit, it's kind of a cool way to celebrate. Plus he knows that it is something I want to do for myself to show that I can.

I am terrified. I am not a good runner at all, but I hope that by giving myself enough time and actually following a training schedule I can do it.

(FINGERS CROSSED, OMG)

LOOK AT THAT GIANT MUSCLE, YOU GUYS!

I wrote this drunk because REASONS

Hey - remember when I was all "I'm going to update my blog regularly now and write fun stuff again and all that?" Well, maybe not "All That" but all that as in all of that stuff that I just said before in that last sentence.

This post is already getting away from me.

Anyway, my point is that I'm totally doing All That stuff I just said, all of that writing and updating LIKE A BOSS, if 'LIKE A BOSS' you actually mean 'LIKE A PERSON WHO LIES A BIT' and 'LIKE SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A VERY GOOD BOSS.'

I had one of those bosses one time. She was horrible and made me cry many times so I am very sorry if I made anyone cry by my lack of good boss-ness.

But if I had been updating I could have told you about my daughter's stomach-virus-turned-strep that lasted over the span of a week and a half and included a night of missed sleep on my part because someone had to be awake and ready to catch all the barf in the bowl because whenever I wasn't awake she barfed on herself and then I had to change all the sheets and her pajamas instead of just washing out the barf bowl.

Guys. Motherhood is so glamorous I don't even know what to do.

I'd like to take off my heels sometimes, is what I'm saying.

But she never quite recovered from that, and then got strep at the beginning of fall break (Monday).

Luckily we still were able to go camping (see all the photos below) and had an absolute blast, the best time I think we've had as a family so far, which is saying something because we're some awesome people who know how to have fun.

There was hiking and fishing and swimming from a girl who had a fever just the day before. (We like to build up immunities in natural ways.) And there were scary stories and s'mores with friends and more swimming in cold water and that one hilly hike with my daughter who still kind of felt like shit, but was entirely too much of a Mama's Girl and too stubborn to let her father carry her, all that much and so whined for 75 percent of the hike because I wouldn't pick her up.

But still kept hiking.

Because she is the epitome of 'LIKE A BOSS' in the actual sense of the phrase.

And I also could have told you about my son saying "What a pussy!" when we were all trying to sleep. I don't know exactly what he was referring to, but he heard it on some stupid minecraft youtube video and so NO YOUTUBE ANYMORE, SON. Thanks, minecraft. You're an asshole.

Where was I?

Camping?

Oh - if I was updating, I might have been able to mention that I'm starting to stress about the kids' Halloween costumes, because I'm running out of time. Sebastian wants to be The Headless Horseman, which is actually easy - we already have the cape from last year when he was Harry Potter. We just need to cut the bottom out of a plastic pumpkin and shove it on his head.  I've been telling him that he can just let his sister sit on his shoulder because she wants to be pumpkin. But not just an orange pumpkin. A many-colored pumpkin. I think, last I heard, the colors were blue and red and maybe yellow?

I'm taking them to the fabric store tomorrow so hopefully we can figure something out.

Because we are running out of time.

I also could have mentioned the fact that I just finished the 21 Day Fix, and that I loved it so much I became a coach, so if anyone is interested in starting, hit me up because it's really an awesome program and I feel stronger and to me, that is the point of all of the working out stuff. (I'm a wordsmith, I tell you what.)

I want to be stronger. I want to be leaner. And I want people to live in fear of my biceps. (Not really.) And I think this program can do that.  And I'm not just saying that because I'm a coach now. I really believe in it. So I'm serious - if you have any questions, just ask. I'm starting a new session on Monday, and I honestly can't wait. I feel much, much better on it, and that's not just all of the s'mores talking.

So, if I was a regular blogger, and not a lying liar, I could have told you all of this stuff, over the course of days instead of in one long post that I'm not entirely sure everyone has read to the end of.

I'm honestly not sure that is even an actual sentence but at this point it doesn't even matter because most of this is just a bunch of words that don't actually make a cohesive post.

Please to be enjoying some camping photos* and I promise** to update regularly from now on.

*I mean, this is a ridiculous amount of photos, but it was SO MUCH FUN!

**Dude. We all know I'm lying, and really - is anyone actually looking forward to this nonsense anyway?