Anybody have any good apple preserving recipes?

I have a problem with apples.

Or rather, it's not so much a problem with apples themselves.  Apples are delicious, especially when covered in sugar and cinnamon.  (And also by themselves because nutritious and healthy and goodforyou and all that, blah, blah, blah.)

But apparently I overdid it with the apples at a recent trip to an orchard.

Adele and I went on a field trip with her school to Hinton's Orchard, a local orchard that is full of lovely people and delicious fruits and vegetables and baked goods and homemade peanut butter.

And pumpkin patches.

We go there every fall, and also bug the owners at random farmers markets throughout the year because my husband loves to talk apple trees and I love to buy herb plants.  Super nice, amazing people.  Go there if you get the chance.

Usually Chris is with me during our annual fall apple buying extravaganza and he reigns in my crazy a bit.  But this year it was just me and my girl so I came home with two bushels of Mutsu seconds.  (Two bushels for $28.  A ridiculously good price.)

I don't think it's a secret here that I like to make things from scratch and to preserve food when I can.  So the apples were destined for applesauce and apple butter at least.  I started out well last Friday - peeling, coring and chopping a ton of apples while I watched last year's The New Girl on my kindle.  But I didn't even get through half a bushel.  I did get about 5 or 6 quarts of applesauce though.  (Not nearly enough.)

My applesauce recipe isn't really a recipe at all.  I prefer the apples without any added sweetener or spice.  I put the peeled and chopped pieces in a large pot with little bit of water, maybe a half a cup, to keep everything from sticking, then cook over medium heat until mushy.  Maybe an hour or so.  (It's a really big pot so it takes awhile.)  Then once it's done I let it cool, put in jars and put the jars in the freezer.  I could can them but it's much easier to freeze.  I don't puree the applesauce because I like it chunky.  The texture of pureed applesauce is too much like baby food for me.

I used the apple peelings from the applesauce to make apple peel jelly using this recipe.  It was a giant failure.  Or rather, maybe it became more an apple syrup than jelly.  I tried to use the natural pectin from the peels, but something went wrong.  I think maybe I cooked the juice too long?  And now that I'm looking at the recipe again, I'm not entirely sure I used lemon juice.  Woops.  So I have a thick, sticky substance in my refrigerator that tastes apple-y.  We put it on pancakes and it worked fine as long as you ate it before it cooled.  Once cooled it was a bit too thick, almost caramel.  So maybe it's apple caramel?  I should probably dip apples in it.

After the applesauce I made apple fritters.  Make this recipe.  You will not be sorry.  Easy, delicious fried dough.  The kids wouldn't eat them (WEIRDOS) so Chris and I ate them all.

Then there was apple butter.  I doubled this recipe.  It worked fine - hours and hours in the crock pot, then I pureed the result and put it in jars then in the freezer.

Once again I couldn't bring myself to throw out the peels.  It just seems so wasteful, you know?  We do compost, but there's so much stuff left on the peels!  So this time I attempted apple peel cider using this recipe/guideline.   Not much has happened yet but I have hopes.  I am trying to use the wild yeast that's on the peels, but it may be that I have to use some yeast that my husband has from his own beer/cider making.  We'll see.

I've also made apple dumplings using this recipe.  Do you know how difficult it was to find just an apple and dumpling recipe that didn't include soda or canned bread?  I just wanted cooked apples with dumplings on top - like chicken and dumplings.  In hindsight I should have called my parents.  My dad makes awesome blackberry dumplings.  I wasn't too keen on the one recipe I did find.  Or rather - I wasn't too keen on how it turned out.  I think I may have overcooked the dumplings, which was entirely my fault.  The kids refused to try them because they are insane.

Last night I made an apple crisp which was delicious and just what I wanted it to be.  I used this recipe, which was simple, thank goodness.  I did add a quarter teaspoon of salt to the topping because otherwise it would have been too bland.  The salt balances out the sweetness.  Apple crisp is one of my favorite desserts, and this didn't disappoint.

That finished off the first bushel of apples.  Keep in mind we are all eating them fresh, too.  And I still have a whole bushel to go.

My future apple plans include apple pie, of course.  And maybe canned apple pie filling.  Definitely more applesauce.  Maybe a couple of whole pies to freeze.  More apple crisp.  Another attempt at apple jelly.  Possible more hard cider.  And dried apples.  We also like to put apples in salads, lest you think that we are all subsisting on apples, sugar and cinnamon at the moment.

Guys.  I love apple season.

Homemade Friday on a Monday: Spaghetti and Meatballs for the Birthday Boy

So I survived the weekend.  The weekend of turning 33 and frantic cleaning and last-minute preparation for my son's 6th birthday Pokemon party, and Germany in the World Cup Final and Germany winning the World Cup Final and making biscuits and gravy for my son's birthday breakfast yesterday and homemade spaghetti and meatballs for his birthday dinner.  (He had a hot dog and grapes for lunch.  There's really only so much cooking I can do in one day.)

And I even survived my daughter being up from 2-4:30 last night (this morning?).

After party clean-up the house is still relatively clean, so that's refreshing.  I do have tons of laundry to put up that I shoved in a closet before people got here, but other than that I'm in pretty good shape.

I thought I'd share my spaghetti and meatball recipe with you today.  I know it's not Friday, and therefore not time for a Homemade Friday post, but I figured you'd forgive me.

This is not a quick meal, obviously.  The sauce (or 'Sunday Gravy' if you will) needs to cook at least 45 minutes.  As my dad says, you can eat it after 45 minutes, but it's done after 2 hours.

The meatballs take time, too.  The mixture has to be combined, then formed into meatballs.  Those have to be browned in a skillet, then finished in the sauce.

It's an immensely satisfying meal, even if you have to work it during the first half of the World Cup Final, running back and forth from the kitchen to the living room every time you hear your husband yell out.

My spaghetti and meatballs isn't nearly as good as my parents', but really, that's how it goes, right?  The sauce never tastes exactly right, the meatballs aren't as tender, but everyone was satisfied.  And next week for the July birthday celebration at my parents' house we get to have it again - the right way.

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Spaghetti Sauce

olive oil
garlic
onions if you like - but I'm usually too lazy to cut them up
3 quarts of tomato juice (or two large, 46 oz cans)
24 oz tomato paste
italian seasoning
sugar
salt

In a large pot or dutch oven heat a couple of tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat.  Once hot, add onions if using and saute until soft.  Add a tablespoon or more of garlic and saute until lightly brown - not dark.  If it gets dark it becomes bitter.

Add tomato juice and paste.  I never measure my italian seasoning, which is probably why my sauce never tastes exactly right.  I add a palm full.  And then usually more later.  Add a tablespoon or two of sugar, just to bring out the sauce a bit, then a tablespoon or more of salt.  I usually season it a bit, then let it cook and taste it for seasoning later on in the process.

Bring sauce to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 45 minutes to 2 hours with a lid cracked on top.

Meatballs

3 lbs ground beef - lean - 94/6
1 lb italian sausage
oregano, basil, parsley - or italian seasoning
1 diced onion
1 tbsp minced garlic
5 slices of bread, or bread crumbs
grated parmesan cheese
salt and pepper
olive oil to brown

Mix meat, onions, garlic and seasoning (a palm full - or more) together.  If using bread, soak in warm water to soften, then add to mixture.  If using breadcrumbs, mix with meat mixture.

Add egg and parmesan.  Mix all together with your hands and form into meatballs - large meatballs, about the size of a small baseball.  Or between a golf ball and baseball.

Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium high heat.  Brown meatballs on all sides, a few at a time, turning often so they don't burn.

It's best to brown them all and transfer to a platter.  When all are browned, put them in a pot of spaghetti sauce, already hot, and cook in sauce for 45 minutes.

You can freeze them either before or after cooking in sauce.  I froze half of the meatballs after browning them - mainly because they all wouldn't fit in my pot.  This recipe made about 35 meatballs.

Once sauce is about 30 minutes from being done, start a large pot of water heating on the stove.  Once it boils, add salt - a couple of palm fulls, depending on how much water.  Add the pasta.  I usually let it cook for a few minutes, then taste and add salt as needed.  Cook until it still has a little bite to it.  Don't let it get mushy!  Strain pasta and add back to pot.  To keep the noodles from sticking together, it helps to add a bit of sauce to them and stir them around.

Serve a heaping plate full with at least two meatballs and a mountain of parmesan cheese.

Enjoy!

Here's my mom's original, handwritten meatball recipe.  The woman has amazing handwriting for a lefty!  Probably because she was taught by nuns:

It's Paleoriffic

I haven't mentioned too much about being a Paleo diet follower here, if only because I don't feel like I follow it as well as I actually should because homemade pizza and cobbler and pie and wine and beer.

However, it actually is a large part of our life and I'm a big supporter, even if I enjoy our weekly Friday Homemade Pizza and a Movie Night.

We started this diet last summer when Chris was training for a triathlon.  We both wanted something that helped us feel better.  I started small, finding recipes that sounded good and easy. And then I bought a cookbook.  Then another one.  And another one.  And maybe another one just because.  I love them.  I have entirely too many, but in my defense, Christopher, most of them were free downloads.

My favorite book, hands down, is Practical Paleo.  It's a good starting point, describing what is happening in my stomach and why the foods I was eating were creating havoc IN MAH BELLAY. (Can I get a 'what up!' for super old movie references?)

It seems a bit overwhelming at first, but once you get used to finding food to cook that doesn't include all the stuff that upsets your stomach, it's actually much easier than you think.

And we aren't strictly paleo (see above.)  We also include dairy.  I won't drink a glass of milk because of how it makes me feel, but I do eat yogurt and drink kefir - both homemade from milk I get from my sister's cow.  They're stupid easy to make.

Check out Courtney's post on crockpot yogurt here.  Even if you don't have access to fresh, raw milk, you can easily use a gallon of milk from the store.  I like to strain my yogurt for hours and hours and hours to have a thick, greek yogurt, that's almost, but not quite, cream cheese.

Kefir is made by putting kefir grains in a jar, pouring milk over them, covering it with butter muslin or a coffee filter and waiting.  Strain out the grains and you have kefir.  Easy, delicious, healthy.

If you're curious, here is what I eat:

For breakfast, these days because it's much easier, I'll have a Larabar.  They're delicious and filling and only have 3 or 4 real! live! pronounceable! recognizable! ingredients!

When I have more time I also like to make smoothies.  This is my favorite:

Ridiculously Delicious Smoothie
-handful of ice
-1/2 cup of frozen fruit (I like mango)
-1 banana
-1/4-1/2 avocado
-1 cup of kefir
-multiple giant handfuls of greens - either kale or spinach
-sometimes I put in a scoop of vanilla protein power (not paleo) or chia seeds (adored by paleo people)
-whatever other vegetables I find - sometimes carrots, sometimes cucumbers
-water to make it all blend nicely

I'll drink half of this for breakfast, and the other half for lunch.  They are surprisingly filling and so delicious that I crave them.  Or maybe my body is craving the kale.  Whichever.  If I plan on eating something else for lunch then I'll half that recipe.  But usually my husband has taken any leftovers we have and I get squat.

If I don't have the smoothie or leftovers for lunch then I'll usually have eggs and kale.  I saute kale with coconut oil, salt and pepper until it's wilted and the edges are crispy, then I'll fry a couple of eggs and eat them together with hot sauce.

Dinners consist of a meat and a couple of vegetables.  The kids usually eat what we do for dinner - sometimes I'll give them toast or rice in addition, though.  Adele is pretty game to try new foods - night before last we ate cauliflower rice with italian sausage, red peppers and parsley.  It was absolutely delicious and she all but licked her bowl.  Sebastian, on the other hand, has formed some opinions about food and most of them are "That's gross.  I don't like that." He has to try everything, and I don't make him a separate meal, so hopefully, eventually he'll enlarge his food repertoire.

We don't make our kids eat paleo.  As I said, for the most part they eat what we eat for dinner, but they eat cereal or toast for breakfast, and I'm not going to stand between Sebastian and his peanut butter sandwiches for lunch.  I attempted to get him used to paleo bread, but it didn't go over well.  So for now I make wheat bread for him and Adele and don't worry about it too much.  They're good.  They're healthy.  They love chicken nuggets, but they also love apples and blueberries and blackberries and can eat their weight in cucumbers and broccoli.

On Fridays I make pizza, and sometimes a cobbler because my husband asks for dessert and also because I love cobbler.  They are not paleo in the least, but I also do not care.

Saturdays and Sundays are also a bit relaxed.  We're still mostly there on Saturday, but sometimes add in leftover cobbler and/or wine.  Sometimes I'll make some type of Paleo dessert so I don't feel too guilty. Sundays we're also mostly paleo, except for dinner.  Either it's at my parent's house and it's a free-for-all, or it's at home and we have a meal with some kind of non-paleo side.  And maybe cobbler.

So that's how we do it, for the most part.  Yes we cheat; no we are not crazy strict.

Mostly we want to feel good.  And this way of eating helps with that.

(The cobbler and wine help my emotions feel good so they can stay.)

Homemade Friday: Homemade Feta

I made feta.

A large part of me feels like I need to apologize for that, like somehow me making homemade feta cheese is causing someone else reading this feel bad for not making homemade feta cheese.

(If that is you, fear not.  My house is covered in clutter.  I hope that makes you feel better.)

But the rest of me feels pretty awesome, because I MADE HOMEMADE FETA.

How cool is that?

I can't remember what first made me want to make feta.  I knew that it is usually made with sheep's milk, but I had a ready supply of cow milk from my sister and so hoped that I could work something out with it. 

I'd already made mozzarella, and have a continual supply of yogurt and kefir going at all times. So I guess I needed a new challenge.

In this situation, Google was my friend, as it usually is.  I searched around until I found a recipe that would work for me and didn't include doing a magical cheese dance or sage cleansing in order to get good results.

This one was relatively simple, and one I knew I could do.  I ordered milk from my sister and supplies from the cheese lady and my children to bed early so I could have enough time to get going.

It started off like this:

Three gallons of milk!

 With these supplies:

And then it looked like this:

Then this:

 Then I hung it over a pot on my stove to drain:

And then it looked like this:

I drained it some more, then I drained it even more - that last time over the utility sink in the back room because it had to stay there for a couple of days.

It left my house a bit ripe, if you know what I mean.  I started it when Chris was out of town for work, and when he came home he asked what smelled like sour milk.

I told him it was sour milk.  Duh.

After it drained for a couple of days I transferred it to one of Chris' beer grain storage containers.  Don't worry - he told me I could use it.

It stayed there for around two or three weeks to age.

When it came time to taste it, I admit that I was a little nervous.  I'm not really sure why, because I was there for every step of the process.  But I was worried that somehow I'd screwed everything up and would get food poisoning.

I didn't. 

It's absolutely delicious.  It's salty and sharp and creamy and crumbly and absolutely perfect.

Here's a blurry picture of last night's dinner - shrimp sauteed with collard greens, onions, garlic, tomatoes and green peppers.  Topped with homemade feta.  It was pretty freaking awesome.

Homemade Friday: Chocolate Graham Crackers

These came about, as most of the things I do in life, because Sebastian was bugging me.

I'd printed out this recipe from Weelicious months ago because they looked easy and delicious and like it was something he and I could do together.  We don't even try to let Adele help anymore as it usually ends in loud, ear-splitting disaster. 

In this photo you can see the difference in cutting out cookies the
right way and the wrong way.  Also his glee in making me insane.

However, I overestimated my ability to just go with the flow and not care that Sebastian was cutting his chocolate graham cracker leaves right out of the middle instead of on the edges LIKE I ALREADY TOLD YOU FIVE TIMES, CHILD! 

Ahem. 

I really need to work on my coping skills, apparently.

Everyone's cookie sheets look like this, right? 
It's not just mine?

But about a week ago on one of those afternoons where I start to feel like I'm neglecting my 1950s motherhood duties I brought out this recipe. 

I mixed everything up according to the directions.  The only deviation was that I used dark chocolate cocoa, which I would highly recommend for anyone who uses cocoa.  It's just better.  Especially in brownies.

Wait, I did actually have to add more water than the recipe called for.  And I used my kitchenaid mixer instead of a food processor. 

I separated the dough in two because it was a lot to work with at once.  Sebastian and I took turns rolling it out.  He's got his own I found from For Small Hands.  (I love everything that site has to offer.)

The leaf cookie cutter was the smallest of a set I got years and years and years ago and hardly every used.  But it was perfect.  It made small cookies, which are great for my kids' hands.

The only problem was that this recipe made a ton of cookies.  Like a lot.  Like a whole ton of a lot.

Like 162.  I know because I counted.  Because I am insane.

The recipe is called 'graham crackers' but really it's like a small chocolate cookie that you don't feel awful giving your children.  (Whole Wheat Flour!  Honey!  Cinnamon!)

The kids loved them and so did the rest of us.  Except for all the mess it left on our teeth.

How nice would it be to wake up from a nap
and have fresh cookies waiting?  Lucky child.

Homemade Friday: Sweet Cherry Pie

I think cherry pie might be my favorite.  Which really is saying something because there are a lot of super delicious desserts full of chocolate and/or cream cheese and butter.  And then some more butter.

But I’ve always had a special place in my heart and sweets-loving belly for cherry pie.  So it’s surprising that I haven’t ever made one myself.  This summer I vowed to remedy that.  And then promptly forgot about it.  And the cherries I’d planned on using for it went bad before I could make the pie.

But last weekend we had a sort of mini-celebration with Chris’ family for him finally finishing grad school (all but the exam, which is in November.  Have I already told you that?  I’m so thrilled he’s done with classes I feel like I’ve told everyone I come in contact with).

So I thought it would be the perfect time to try a new pie, my favorite pie.  The recipe was one that I’d stared at longingly for what seems like, and probably has been, years.  It’s from smitten kitchen, one of my favorite sites for recipes, if you couldn’t tell already.

And the recipe was simple.  The hardest part was pitting the cherries.  I bought a cherry pitter earlier this summer to make things a little bit easier.  I tend to stock up on cherries when they’re in season because I love them so much and this just makes it easier to feed them to the kids without having to cut around the pit and possibly slice open my fingers, which has been known to happen.

 The crust for the pie wasn’t even that hard.  I used a recipe from this book, The HomemadePantry, which I highly, highly recommend.  The author tells stories to go along with each recipe, and she makes things that would normally be overwhelming seem simple.  And her crust recipe is the easiest I’ve ever found with the best results.  Also, I’ve made the poptarts on the cover.  The cinnamon sugar ones were so, so good.

So I mixed the pitted cherries with all the other ingredients.  The instructions said to drain off extra juice.  But the juice in my bowl included all the sugar and such so I just poured it all in the pie pan.  I probably shouldn’t have.  Or maybe I should have used more cornstarch?  Because this is what the pie looked like when I cut into it:

 I think part of my problem was that I used more cherries than the recipe called for.  I didn’t want them all to cook down and me to have a thin pie.  I probably shouldn’t have worried.  The cherries never actually got all that soft.  They still held their shape. 

I’m wondering if I should have cooked the cherries first in a pan in order to soften them up a bit.  Maybe I’ll do that next time.  Or follow instructions better.

But still.  Delicious pie.  And it doesn't hurt that it looked so pretty when it was finished. 

I wish I had more.

Homemade Friday: Pumpkin muffins, because why the hell not?

I am a stress baker.  It makes sense, right?  As I am also a stress-baked-goods eater. 

If I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious about something I usually bring out the flour and sugar. 

The kids were being their usual cranky selves, which hasn’t been helped by the fact that since Sebastian has started coming downstairs by himself in the morning, it has always been at 6 a.m., no matter what time he went to bed the night before.

So we were all tired and for some reason I decided to make muffins.  I'm blaming hormones and sleep-deprivation-temporary-insanity.

I don't allow the kids to help bake anymore because when they stand at the counter to ‘help’ they usually end up fighting and screaming at each other.  So instead they just stand at my feet, hang onto my pants and fight and scream with each other.

It’s better?  Maybe?

So anyway, around snack time this morning, even though everyone was already hungry and whiny, I decided to look for a muffin recipe that didn’t include milk, as I was completely out.  I happened on this recipe, scanned through it, and figured it would work.  It looked quick, which was all I needed at this point.

But I didn’t have all the ingredients.  Of course.  I did have pumpkin, though.  Don't ask me why.

(Who keeps Greek yogurt on hand?  People who are fancier than me, I guess.  They probably also always have mimosas for breakfast and only buy imported cheeses.)

Giant, unnecessary tub of sour cream.
But it's totally 'pure & natural.'

So I decided to substitute the low fat Greek yogurt for my full-fat, giant tub of sour cream I bought a couple of weeks ago for Sebastian’s birthday cake.  Apparently I only needed about two cups.  Not a thousand.  (I promise I’ll show you his birthday party.  One day.)

It totally worked.  The muffins were airy, and this is going to sound totally corny and almost ‘explosion of flavor’ annoying, but they sort of melted in your mouth.  That doesn’t happen with muffins usually.  The kids were finally satisfied and stopped complaining and fighting long enough to eat, and Adele only threw a few pieces on the floor.

I’m calling it a win.

I took this recipe from Cooking With My Kid, but just added a couple of changes.  I have no idea if this is legal.  Don’t sue me.  I’m poor.

They only take about 5 minutes to put together, but longer if you have children who stick their fingers in the batter as you’re trying to put it in the little muffin cups.

Pumpkin Muffins Without Milk But With Sour Cream or Greek Yogurt, If You’re Fancy

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
pinch of salt
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 can 100% pure pumpkin
2 large eggs lightly beaten
1/2 cup canola oil or vegetable oil
1/3 cup lowfat Greek yogurt (or sour cream!)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray mini muffin tins with cooking spray. Mix flours, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin pie spice and salt in large bowl. In a separate bowl whisk together pumpkin, eggs, oil, and yogurt. Combine wet and dry ingredients until just blended. Spoon batter into muffin tins. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.  Transfer muffins to rack to cool.  I got 24 mini muffins and 6 regular ones.

Homemade Friday: Bacon Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies

Yes.  Yes I did.

It may have had something to do with being in the midst of a three week long period* but as soon as I saw the recipe I realized that I had to make them.

I at least waited until the weekend, which is when you eat whatever you want and the calories don't count, right?

Right.

Bacon.

The recipe is a simple double chocolate cookie, with the added bonus of bacon.  Delicious, delicious bacon.

Honestly, I was a little dubious.  It sounded different, but wrong.  Like it shouldn't work.

The Unholy Alliance.

But I shouldn't have doubted the internet which is awash with bacon + baked good recipes.

I made a couple of very minor changes, but the original recipe is here.  I cut my bacon smaller than I should have.  I think having a more pronounced bacon flavor would have put these over the top.  In a good way.

Waiting to be frozen.

I only baked half of the recipe because I'm attempting moderation.  The rest I froze in pre-baked tablespoons-ful so I can pull them out and bake them whenever they are needed.

Bacon Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies 

Ingredients:

6 slices bacon left over from Pancake Sunday breakfast.  Or whatever you've got on hand.
2 cups All Purpose Flour
2/3 cup Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
3/4 teaspoon Baking Soda
1/4 teaspoon Kosher Salt
1 cup Unsalted Butter, at room temperature
1-1/2 cups Sugar
2 whole Eggs
1-3/4 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
12 oz Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cook bacon until crispy and cool on paper towels, then chop up.
Whisk together first five ingredients.
In a separate bowl cream butter and sugar, then add vanilla and eggs.
Gradually add dry ingredients until mixed completely.
Stir in chocolate chips and bacon.
Drop by tablespoonful onto cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, a couple of inches apart.
Bake for 10-12 minutes.
Let cool a bit before removing from cookie sheet. 

*No, I am not exaggerating and yes, I realize that this is probably TMI.  But I feel it pertains to my state of mind when I lunged upon the recipe as soon as I found it.

Food I have made with my fancy new stove that I'm not cool enough for:

I love you.

Rustic Peach Tart
Bacon Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
Potato and Green Bean Salad
Homemade Mac & Cheese
Bread

This is just since yesterday afternoon. 

Chris was the first to use it.  He made our Sunday morning pancakes and bacon yesterday.  I was a little disappointed that he got to cook on it before I did, but I guess it was only fitting since he did spend almost an entire Saturday moving gas lines and electrical outlets and cursing, after spending an entire Friday evening moving water shut-offs and electrical outlets and cursing when he put in the dishwasher.  However, I did have to spend that same amount of time seeing him but not being able to rely on him to help keep the children from killing each other or dumping out every toy or to change the endless amounts of poop-filled swim diapers that someone amassed. 

I'd say we're even.

The only downside to the new appliances is that they make our cabinets and countertops look so much worse than they did before.  They looked sort of at home with the '80s appliances because they were all purchased around the same time.  But now they look hopelessly out of date.  

(A neighbor asked me how I liked my new dishwasher and I said that it's nice but that my stove gives me lots more joy.  I mean, it has an oven light.  I have to force myself not to spend the entire time something is baking staring at it through the door.)

Homemade Friday: Strawberry Ice Cream in a bag!

I know, I know. 

Ice cream in a bag is EVERYWHERE.

But I was looking for something fun to do with the kids, since we've been under quarantine until the children are over being sick.  (Thankfully I think they're better, for the most part.)

So I searched around until I found a recipe I liked and that we had the ingredients for. 

I landed on this one but changed it around some. 

I had an abundance of heavy cream that needed to be used, and really, what's ice cream without ridiculous amounts of fat and calories anyway?  I also doubled the recipe, separating it into two bags.

I'm not sure how much I like the whole process of using a bag.  I've done it twice now and each time the outer bag busted, leaving me covered in salty ice water.

I was not amused.

Actually, neither was Sebastian.  He was excited about ice cream, but didn't want to work for it.  He shook the bag a total of three times, then handed it back to me.

I do not have a cute picture of my children shaking the ice bags
because they wouldn't do it. Spoilsports.

I didn't really shake it long enough to have it freeze as much as it should have, mainly because I had children at my feet wanting to eat it.  Also my arms got tired after 5 minutes.

Thankfully my dad fixed my KitchenAid for me (guess how excited I am?) so any future ice cream will probably be made with the attachment for the mixer. 

But the strawberry ice cream tasted delicious, if a bit melty.  But the kids weren't too upset about that.

This is Sebastian saying 'Hurry up and take the stupid picture
so I can eat my ice cream already!  He asked for the cut up
strawberries, by the way.

Strawberry Ice Cream In A Bag
2 Cups of heavy cream or milk or a mixture of the two
1 Cup of strawberries, hulled and quartered
4 tablespoons of sugar
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1/2 Cup of salt
A whole lot of ice

Put the cream, strawberries, sugar and vanilla in a blender and mix until smooth.  Be careful not to whip the cream.  Or do and just have strawberry whipped cream.
Pour equal amounts of mixture into two separate quart size bags and seal tightly.
Place a bunch of ice in two gallon sized bags and put 1/4 cup of salt in each.
Put one bag of strawberry cream into each ice-filled bag and shake and shake and shake and shake and shake and shake and shake until the mixture starts to freeze and then shake some more until you have the consistency you prefer or until you get tired of shaking.
Your bag will probably bust even though you started buying the name-brand bags because the off-brand ones were crap.  Have another bag ready just in case.
When you take the ice cream out of the bag be careful not to get the salty ice water on the ice cream.  I can't imagine that would taste very good.

I froze the leftovers and because I didn't shake it enough to turn it into a solid ice cream it ended up turning into melted ice cream that was re-frozen.

In other words don't do that.

Homemade Friday: The best granola bars in the entire world

I think this recipe might be single-handedly responsible for the five pounds I am sure I’ve gained recently, but I don’t know for sure because I refuse to weigh myself because there are some things I just doing really want to know.

It’s either these or the beer I drank all week to distract myself from the fact that Christopher was out of town again.  Also I considered it a reward since no one got the flu like last time. 

I’ve made a batch of these granola bars three times in as many weeks and they have not lost their appeal with repetition.  I’ve used smitten kitchen’s recipes lots, especially recently when I seem to be on a mission to make normally store-bought things at home, and I’ve never been let down. (Going through my archives, I realized that I haven't shown you the homemade goldfish I made, or the oreos.  Woops!)

Helpers! See the stripes?  That's Adele trying to stand on the
chair with Sebastian.  It didn't end well.

For this one, I was looking for something to make for a new mom who already had two daughters before her new little boy arrived.  I figured she’d need something quick and satisfying and nutritious and easy, since more than likely she’d only have half a hand to grab a bite to eat.  Plus I’d been wanting to find a good granola bar recipe anyway.  I think they are a nice thing to have around for an easy snack, be it late night waiting for your husband to get home from his business trip already, or midday when you need a pick-me-up because it’s been nonstop children for years it seems like and all you want to do is have a quick lie down but there’s no way in hell that’s going to happen for HOURS yet.  I’ve also used them for breakfast with fantastic results.  (Those results being I thoroughly enjoyed eating it and it lasted longer than a piece of toast or a cup of coffee.)  (Yes, I do have plans to give them to the children.  When I can stop eating them myself.)

So I was excited when I found this recipe online.  It sounded easy and delicious.  And it was.

I baked these first in an 8x8 pan, but the center wouldn’t set before the edges darkened too much for my taste, which may be the fault of my oven.  I had better results using a 9x13 pan.  She offers suggestions on her website on how to avoid the crumbling when you cut the bars, which I kind of wish I’d read beforehand.  I believe I’ve mentioned that I have a hard time reading an entire recipe.  I don’t know what my problem is either. 

For my bars I used walnuts, pecans, raisins, dried blueberries, cranberries and cherries, and dark chocolate chips.  I didn’t have any coconut, but I think that would be delicious.  I also made them one time using the 2 tablespoons of corn syrup, but that was all I had so the other two times I made it I just used all honey.  I didn’t notice a difference.

Highly recommended recipe.  You should make them.

(Would it be easier if I posted the recipe here instead of just linking to it?  I never know if I should do that as it’s not technically my recipe.  But maybe since I link to it it wouldn’t be a problem?  Anybody know?)

Homemade Friday: Vanilla Wafers

I seem to be in the mood to make things that are supposed to taste like other things that you buy in the store.

(Wow.  That may be the lamest sentence ever written.  I win everything.)  (Also I'm really tired.)

First it was graham crackers.  And now it’s vanilla wafers.  I’ve always loved them, but I don’t really buy them for my kids because of all the extra, unnecessary ingredients that are included.  

I was searching around online, looking for something, anything to make the kids for a snack and this recipe caught my eye.

It looked simple enough, and I even took the time to read it all the way through before I started, which as we all know is totally against my personality.  So I knew ahead of time that I’d have to let these set for 30 minutes before they were baked.

I had just enough time to get them put together and baked and ready for when the kids woke up from their nap. 

And they really loved them.  As did my husband, who I had to make stop eating them so there would be enough for the kids.  Apparently he doesn’t understand that these snacks need to last more than a day.  (That shit takes time to make.  Time that I could spend watching Teen Mom.)